Helping Your Child Sleep Alone or Away from Home
Many anxious children and teens feel a sense of security by sleeping close to their parents. In particular,
children and teens with separation anxiety may plead, beg, or have a tantrum in order to sleep in your
bed. This can cause problems, not only for your child, but also for you. When anxious children and teens
sleep in their parents’ bed, they are not facing their fears, and will continue to be afraid of sleeping alone.
They do not learn how to calm themselves down, and do not see that everything will be okay. Co-sleeping
makes it difficult for parents to get a good night’s sleep or find alone time with a spouse or partner. Even
though most parents know it is not appropriate for their child to be afraid of sleeping alone, they are
unsure of how to change this behavior.
Getting Your Child To Sleep Alone: HOW TO DO IT!
Step 1: Preparing your child
Before starting any new plan in your home, it is important that your child understand what is going to
happen and why. For younger children, you might want to read books with them about co-sleeping, and
explain that wanting to sleep in mom and/or dad’s bed is another way that anxiety is being a bully (for
more information on teaching your child about anxiety, see How to Talk to Your Child about Anxiety).
For teens, explain that sleeping alone is a normal part of growing up, and although it sounds scary, it is
important to face this fear gradually.
Step 2: Make your child’s bedroom fun!
It is important to make this new change as easy as possible for your child. Get your child involved in
making his or her bedroom more appealing. Be creative, and encourage your child to decorate his or her
room with enjoyable and fun things (e.g., pictures, posters, a nightlight, wind chimes, and/or a bedspread
in a favorite color!). Focusing your child’s attention on the positives will reduce anxiety when he or she
first starts sleeping alone.
You can also try to focus your child’s attention on the benefits of sleeping in his or her own bedroom,
including:
For younger children, being a “big boy” or a “big girl”, and sleeping alone.
Getting to sleep in a bedroom that is all his or her own! If your child shares the room with a
sibling, make sure each child has a personal space that they can decorate.
Older children and teens may look forward to future sleepovers at a friend’s house, or camping
trips with the school.
Step 3: Establish a bedtime routine
As a parent, you probably already have a bedtime routine with your child, which might involve reading a
story and goodnight kisses. This entire routine should take place in your child’s bedroom. Even if your
child is not ready to sleep alone right away, it will be easier if your child is used to getting ready for bed in
his or her own bedroom, rather than in your bedroom. For more information on bedtime routines, see
Healthy Habits in the Home
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