Responding Well to Domestic Abuse Practice Guidance
Appendix 3: Theology
The table below lists some scriptures that have been used unhelpfully with regard to victims
of domestic abuse together with how the same scriptures could be applied helpfully.
SCRIPTURE
UNHELPFUL
APPLICATION
HELPFUL APPLICATION
Submission
“Wives submit yourselves
to your own husbands as
you do to the Lord”
Ephesians 5.22
Obedience
The woman must obey her
partner
Not submitting causes
abuse
If a man abuses his partner
it is because she is not
being submissive enough.
Mutual submission
The previous verse 5.21
says “submit to one another”
and 5.22 must be read in
light of the mutual
submission we should be
giving to one another. To
submit does not mean to
obey, it means to choose to
place oneself under another.
Submission is a choice
Submission cannot be
forced, it must be chosen.
Not submitting can never
justify abuse.
Headship
“For the husband is the
head of the wife as Christ
is the head of the church,
his body of which he is
the Saviour”
Ephesians 5.23
The asserting of power
The man is the head;
therefore he has all the
power and the right to assert
it.
Superiority
Headship means being
superior and having the right
to take more than give.
The laying down of power
The example given of
headship is of Christ’s
headship of the Church.
When Christ came to earth,
he gave up all his heavenly
power for his bride, the
Church. The original Greek
word used for head in this
passage is Kephale. This
word means the head of a
river or the source of the
river. It does not imply
superiority.
Rulership
To the woman he said, “…
Your desire will be for
your husband and he will
rule over you.”
Genesis 3.16
Rulership: a Right
God determined men should
rule their wives, therefore
that is how it should be,
Rulership: a Result
A consequence of sin is that
a man will rule over his wife,
it is not God’s best plan for
humanity, before the fall
men and women were
equal.
Creation of Woman
“The Lord God said, “it is
not good for the man to be
alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him.”
Genesis 2.18
Inferior
To help means to serve, this
verse shows that God
created women to serve
men and suggests they are
inferior to them.
Equal
The word “helper” here
referring to women, most
often refers to God in the
Old Testament usage (e.g.
1 Samuel 7.12; Ps 121.1-2).
Therefore there is no
suggestion of female
inferiority.
Responding Well to Domestic Abuse Practice Guidance
SCRIPTURE
UNHELPFUL
APPLICATION
HELPFUL APPLICATION
Forgiveness
“And forgive us our debts,
as we have forgiven our
debtors.”
Matthew 6.12
Disregard
Forgiving someone should
mean disregarding what
they have done and
maintaining the same
relationship with them
regardless of whether they
change.
Consequences
Sin has consequences and
forgiving does not remove
those consequences.
Forgiveness is a process
and must not nullify the
consequences of abuse or
mean that the situation must
continue as it always has.
Women should not have to
stay in an abusive situation
in order to forgive their
partner.
Original Sin
“When the woman saw
that the fruit of the tree
was good for food and
pleasing to the eye, and
also desirable for gaining
wisdom, she took some
and ate it. She also gave
some to her husband, who
was with her, and he ate
it.”
Genesis 3.6
Sin: Women and weaker
Eve took the fruit, and gave
some to her husband; this
shows women are weaker
and more likely to be sinful.
Sin: Equal responsibility
Man and woman were both
participants in the Fall:
Adam was no less to blame
than Eve. Romans 5.12-21
“Therefore, just as sin
entered the world through
one man, and death through
sin, and in this way death
came to all people, because
all sinned.”
Divorce
“But I tell you that anyone
who divorces his wife,
except for sexual
immorality, causes her to
become an adulteress …”
Matthew 5.32
Contract
Marriage is a contract and
the person who cancels the
contract, i.e. files for divorce
is the one who is
responsible. Therefore if a
woman divorces a man for
abusing her, she is at fault,
not him.
Covenant
Marriage is a covenant;
divorce is the breaking of
that covenant. When a man
chooses to be abusive, he
breaks the covenant. If his
wife chooses to divorce him,
she is making public his
breaking of the covenant,
not going against what the
Bible says about divorce.
Suffering
“In all this you greatly
rejoice, though now for a
little while you may have
had to suffer grief in all
kinds of trials.”
1 Peter 1.6
Accept
Women should accept
abuse and use the suffering
as an opportunity to grow
their faith.
Refute
By staying in a relationship
where she is subject to
abuse a woman is risking
being murdered. When
Jesus was tempted to risk
his life, he said “it is also
written: ‘Do not put the Lord
your God to the test’”
(Matthew 4.7). God wanted
abused women to be safe
and protected.
Responding Well to Domestic Abuse Practice Guidance
